Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
