everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
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First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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