So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
