Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
