Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize