My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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