I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
