I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
