My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
