new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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