just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
