dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
