I'm gonna have a badass scar
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
