I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
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Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
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Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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