U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
