i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
