How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
