I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
