in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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