question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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