A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
