Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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