google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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