Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
