Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
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he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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