Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
do herpes really smell.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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