we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
