i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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