I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
