I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
