I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
