let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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