wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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