Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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