She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize