They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
