It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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