Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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