i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
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I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
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Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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