I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
