found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
