the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
