I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Randomize
