How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
