Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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