Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize