It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
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That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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