So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
