I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
