So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
