She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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