Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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