So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
