did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
