guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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