HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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