Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
