She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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