I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize