my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
