I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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