my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
