dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
sarcasm needs its own font
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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