I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
