I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
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